As my last post touched upon, tech week is tiring. The last week everybody in drama have been more or less ticked off and sleep deprived. I know I have had the thought "what am I doing here, why do I do this, can I please just go home and sleep?" Several times a day, and I doubt I'm the only one. Then at the assembly Thursday you the first taste of performing the play in front of the audience and all of a sudden I have energy enough for our newly scheduled Friday rehearsal!
And then suddenly, after a day of doing nothing besides re-dying my hair, it is 5:30 and call time for actors. Getting into hair and make-up wasn't nerve racking. Especially not with my boyfriend getting tortured with make-up by all the senior boys (I may or may not have contributed with the kiss marks and supplied the make-up), it was actually quite hilarious.
I didn't start to get nervous until 10 mins before showtime. That's when I remembered how much we have been struggling with lines this past week, and even this morning, but thankfully I have perfected my calming ritual before going on stage.
I find the least crowded corner and sing the ABBA song "I have a dream". It is the only song I have found where both the lyrics and the melody have a calming get encouraging affect on me.
I'm nit on stage during the first scene, so I had a bit more time to ready myself. The last two minutes before going on stage are the worst. All the things that can go wrong run through my head, and I can't seem to remember a single line. I instantly regret not looking at my lines one last time, and then I get on stage. Suddenly all the fear goes away and I am Elizabeth Proctor, and I know exactly what to say next.
The last scene is supposed to be really emotional and hard, and every time we ran it I've tried to cry, but to no use. That was before we had an audience. Something about performing in front of people changes the energy on stage, and that was also true in this scene. Without really trying I started crying and really feeling what Elizabeth was supposed to feel. It was awesome.
Going off stage everybody was whooping and yelling, excites about our first show and that nobody had messed up. Before the show I had forgotten why I even acted, after I was completely sure of it. The rush I get from being in front of an audience is hard to explain, bet getting of that stage after doing a good show, I was so happy. Acting is frustrating and I hate it from time to time, but I couldn't live without it.